Bela Flor Amuleto
"I shall not be your solicitor."
"And I shall not be your accomplice anymore!"
"So, I stroll alone."
Everything external drowns in dreary obligations that surround my being,
and then the night sky in its vast expanse, screams in silence.
I catch a seldom gaze of the stars before heading home,
inside there's familiarity:
a disguise of certain doom that'd come to stunt the reckoning of a legend—
mere inches away from turning in a confession.
"I fear that the path you've come to traverse wouldn't allow you to return"
"But try regardless, come back to monotony, to family, to faith,
even if it means meeting your fate, somewhere along the way."
"I don't wish to return, I've abandoned schedule."
The declaration of despair keeps hope nestled, and away from cold.
Then night,
a frantic revolt evokes,
costing health and sacrifice of duty, and abandonment of love.
I gave in fully, every other day or so, to hysteria which kept me from shame and refrain,
and from walking upto an actual slogan of strive and hope.
At night there are no calls, no impositions of the fate of death,
or the fear of the squint eyes that deplore the young,
and hammer into them, decency, and a fabricated perception of right, by shame.
"Perhaps the two of you speak and act in good-will, and if that is your concern,
I urge you to abandon the residual of this relation you hold onto,
and let go of me along with it."
The primary cause of the ten years lost was succumbing as victim of these very eyes;
for letting myself be humiliated, merely for being.
It was unbeknownst to them that this drastic departure from norm was instigated by ostracism,
and the subsequent, dire need to legislate a new order,
the enactment of which pushed me further into the abyss where no person lurks.
I couldn't hope for them to comprehend the void that I was nestled within,
I was a constitutional part of it, in a state of constant flux after all.
Then it so happened that I saw my ideal life being projected before me;
it didn't look so grand anymore, it wasn't something to strive for,
and suddenly, even the strongest desires and strangest attachments of mine came undone.